austin, may 09

zora zen: snapshots of a buddha

1 denham springs, LA, july 2007 a la casa de mis parents,
kate and kids visiting, zora is 7

with a pink plastic kid's rake
a strange thing in itself
seven year old zora is meticulously raking
the oval back yard path my dad has created
by his own zenwalking
around and around and around

she rakes it clear of pine needles and fallen twigs
attends to the pattern she scratches from the dirt
sunburst even lines
she goes slowly and carefully
all the way around
she's been at it for twenty minutes
some humming, some lots of quiet
some speaking to herself about what she is doing
describing the moment as it unfolds
self-narrating
in her sweet-faerie seven year old voice without R's
i'm just waking the path, going vewy slow, it's vewy nice
and easy and fun, i'm just (sigh) sowt of welaxed and happy wight now
waking away, that's all

i am her sort-of audience, practicing handstands off to the side
but i imagine the monologue would be the same
with or without me
zora zen just practicing
today, it is the senselessly, meticulously beautiful
raking of dirt

suddenly, older boy-er brother antonio
gallumphs onto the trail
all heavy running feet and post-TV outside-now energy!!
HHEEEEEYYY!!!!!!
welcoming the day like a trombone and a timpani!
PUM PUM PUM
he grabs a branch and trails it behind him willy-nilly
it scratches new lines and brings leafy debris into the path
zora breaks from her trance to scream with indignance

TONIOOOOO! STOP, ANTONIO
YOU CAN'T WUN AROUND THE PATH ALL CWAZY!!
she is very stern
very, very serious
STOP! STO-OP! YOU AWE BEING CAWELESS

brother says in a kind, confused, and oh so brotherly way
zora, i'm just running around having fun
what's WRONG with that?

you can't go around the path so cawelessly
you'we going too fast and dwagging things behind you
you'we on the PATH, tonio!
WHY awe you dwagging things awound with you????

sheesh, i don't know

well, quit it, it messes evewything up, okay?
you have to welax and be mowe peaceful!

okay, he gives in, exasperated, whatever
he is a very good brother
he casts me a glance
i shrug to say: hey, i dunno, i'd give up too
he gets it

zora goes back to raking and monologuing
though it's a bit more didactic this time

you just have to take you'we time and pay attention to what you'we doing
the path is vewy special (sigh)

she looks around the yard
she eyesparkle smirks
she plops the rake down by a tree

okay, tonio i'm going to wun awound now!

and then she runs around the path
shrieking
kicking up the dirt
like a koan



2 austin, TX may 2009 a la casa de mi sister kate her kids,
i'm visiting, zora is 9

i kept dipping into the semi sweet chocolate thingies
over and over
till i thought
crap
i'm gonna have to make cookies
before my sister comes home
to justify the megadent i've gorged/gouged
in this bag of chocolate thingies

so cookies it was, vegan style
peanut butter soy butter whole wheat flour apple sauce
a few chocolate chips

zora zen sits on the counter kicking her legs
showing me where the sugar is
observing

our conversation gets stilted cuz i'm barely listening
i'm setting the oven to preheat and yanking out the cookie pan
at the same time
i get a little frantic looking for the flour
i spill some, i drop a spoon
okay, okay, okay, where...is...the...vanilla
i say as i look in the cabinet while opening the peanut butter

eyebrows lifted, eyes floating aloft
zora croons in a high and sing-songing and almost soothing voice
she shrugs, overly casual
she feigns a random thought

you know, aunt bonny
when i'm cooking, i like to sowrt of
(the Rs are coming in now)
wrelax and have a good time
just (little sigh) talk a little bit
whatevewr
just sowrt of...feel (another shrug) peaceful

i take a deep breath as she talks
noticing myself
noticing her
she's very sincere
all kindness and subtlety
i marvel at her wisdom
and even more so at her delivery
this 9 year old has offered her 28 year old aunt
a critique
with breathtaking
gentleness

hmm. yeah.
thank you for saying that
it's just what i needed to hear right now
i really have to remind myself to relax
especially when i'm cooking i don't know why i get in a hurry
i would much rather just talk and have fun and go slower
it probably makes the cookies taste better too

probably so

she smiles
we eat some more chocolate chips
we talk and eat cookie dough
we don't spill a thing

mississippi mud climbin

tunica falls, MS
May 09

woodswalk with fine friends
we ran fleetfooted downhills and back up and back up and back up
waterfall watched
climbed down the mudrock to rescue the groundwater from plastic waterbottles
opening it to smash it down to pack it out
i unleashed a bright blue liquid into the creekbed
freaky
no one should be drinking stuff that color

i practiced lifting up
putting space between my joints
get some tree-clean air in there

i noticed how we breathed together
spun over fallen trees
cartwheeled in the creek
we climbed a muddy bank, steep, 20-25 feet
slid down
dubbed it mississippi mud climbin
rad

i asked
what is the smallest sound?
we quiet walked,
then wordlessly, we sat

birdsound
feetcrunch
water-fall
treewind

i watched a leaf
it spun down crazily
beautifully crazy--staying within some wild spiral
till the end, in water, casting ripples

chad said

i found the smallest sound:
the sound of the leaf landing on the water

i said

i was thinking it would be good to live like the leaf
plunging in, moving with every bend of the wind, free, trusting

chad said

yeah, so brief and crazy
yet with such grace

i said

then it ripples the water
changes things
its energy changes
maybe the fall is the life
or maybe the fall the time in between lives
in the other space
and the time on the water is the life, rippling out

scott did not speak
kept listening
quiet waters running deep

ABQ

albuquerque, NM
may 09

good friend visit
former roommates leigh and patrick
in ABQ early this may
leigh on hiatus from lit PHD introduces
a new baby to the world, seamus
diapers and milk and tummy time
strollin baby hot sun baby bike wreck marathon brave baby
all baby all the time
patrick sighs
leigh rolls her eyes

i slid right in
sourdough whole wheat blueberry pancakes
fine cookery and crockery
i changed six diapers--my first six
(so pro mom and dad didn't even know)
early morning bike rides slow climbs up
pretty margaritas laugh like old times worn well into new
relaxed love comes in waves of trust and patience
we pick up zucchini, leave the wine out over night, tingle a bit
we walk foothills, cacti stick, leigh trusts me to carry seamus
13 days old
slung over my shoulder
squeaking like my new pair of shoes
each step we take

at west mesa high where patrick teaches
i performed my poetry
he got the mics out
we read what we wrote
i wrote:

albuquerque,

your sand-painted squares sit low, tell secrets
your black-eyed mountain eats morning sun
your windchime air smells like smoke and sweet ochre
your cerulean sky divides itself into cold nite
you seek the shadows, dig arroyos, sing the old songs
i hear you thirst for more, but you settle
be careful not to dry up, waiting for the rain

elf warrior emerging

baton rouge, LA
may 09

walked around the garden district
in the median
under old live oaks sprawling shade
grey may day
i picked up a stick and swung it
got increasingly karatefied as i went
forgetting the neighbors
lost in a vague elf-warrior fantasy

it's amazing what proper Adults pretend not to see
teenagers absolutely ran from me
too much uncool to even gaze upon
might get turned to nerd medusa-style
28 year old jabbing and cartwheeling
down the city median
dangerous

oh but the 10 year olds understand me perfectly
they see the peace warrior, the ninja, the adult they dream of being
almost impossible: up in the trees, barking back at dogs
avoiding piles of dogshit with extravagantly agile albeit unnecessary leaps
swinging my staff so it airwhips
got my mind on my mission and my mission on my mind

peace warrioring--
pickin up trash and smiling conspiratorially
playing panpipes from the top of a magnolia
leaving flowers i made outta metal in mailboxes and plantboxes
leaving good books on ratty doorsteps
giving directions
singing

next time, i'm goin ahead and wearing my cape