austin, may 09

zora zen: snapshots of a buddha

1 denham springs, LA, july 2007 a la casa de mis parents,
kate and kids visiting, zora is 7

with a pink plastic kid's rake
a strange thing in itself
seven year old zora is meticulously raking
the oval back yard path my dad has created
by his own zenwalking
around and around and around

she rakes it clear of pine needles and fallen twigs
attends to the pattern she scratches from the dirt
sunburst even lines
she goes slowly and carefully
all the way around
she's been at it for twenty minutes
some humming, some lots of quiet
some speaking to herself about what she is doing
describing the moment as it unfolds
self-narrating
in her sweet-faerie seven year old voice without R's
i'm just waking the path, going vewy slow, it's vewy nice
and easy and fun, i'm just (sigh) sowt of welaxed and happy wight now
waking away, that's all

i am her sort-of audience, practicing handstands off to the side
but i imagine the monologue would be the same
with or without me
zora zen just practicing
today, it is the senselessly, meticulously beautiful
raking of dirt

suddenly, older boy-er brother antonio
gallumphs onto the trail
all heavy running feet and post-TV outside-now energy!!
HHEEEEEYYY!!!!!!
welcoming the day like a trombone and a timpani!
PUM PUM PUM
he grabs a branch and trails it behind him willy-nilly
it scratches new lines and brings leafy debris into the path
zora breaks from her trance to scream with indignance

TONIOOOOO! STOP, ANTONIO
YOU CAN'T WUN AROUND THE PATH ALL CWAZY!!
she is very stern
very, very serious
STOP! STO-OP! YOU AWE BEING CAWELESS

brother says in a kind, confused, and oh so brotherly way
zora, i'm just running around having fun
what's WRONG with that?

you can't go around the path so cawelessly
you'we going too fast and dwagging things behind you
you'we on the PATH, tonio!
WHY awe you dwagging things awound with you????

sheesh, i don't know

well, quit it, it messes evewything up, okay?
you have to welax and be mowe peaceful!

okay, he gives in, exasperated, whatever
he is a very good brother
he casts me a glance
i shrug to say: hey, i dunno, i'd give up too
he gets it

zora goes back to raking and monologuing
though it's a bit more didactic this time

you just have to take you'we time and pay attention to what you'we doing
the path is vewy special (sigh)

she looks around the yard
she eyesparkle smirks
she plops the rake down by a tree

okay, tonio i'm going to wun awound now!

and then she runs around the path
shrieking
kicking up the dirt
like a koan



2 austin, TX may 2009 a la casa de mi sister kate her kids,
i'm visiting, zora is 9

i kept dipping into the semi sweet chocolate thingies
over and over
till i thought
crap
i'm gonna have to make cookies
before my sister comes home
to justify the megadent i've gorged/gouged
in this bag of chocolate thingies

so cookies it was, vegan style
peanut butter soy butter whole wheat flour apple sauce
a few chocolate chips

zora zen sits on the counter kicking her legs
showing me where the sugar is
observing

our conversation gets stilted cuz i'm barely listening
i'm setting the oven to preheat and yanking out the cookie pan
at the same time
i get a little frantic looking for the flour
i spill some, i drop a spoon
okay, okay, okay, where...is...the...vanilla
i say as i look in the cabinet while opening the peanut butter

eyebrows lifted, eyes floating aloft
zora croons in a high and sing-songing and almost soothing voice
she shrugs, overly casual
she feigns a random thought

you know, aunt bonny
when i'm cooking, i like to sowrt of
(the Rs are coming in now)
wrelax and have a good time
just (little sigh) talk a little bit
whatevewr
just sowrt of...feel (another shrug) peaceful

i take a deep breath as she talks
noticing myself
noticing her
she's very sincere
all kindness and subtlety
i marvel at her wisdom
and even more so at her delivery
this 9 year old has offered her 28 year old aunt
a critique
with breathtaking
gentleness

hmm. yeah.
thank you for saying that
it's just what i needed to hear right now
i really have to remind myself to relax
especially when i'm cooking i don't know why i get in a hurry
i would much rather just talk and have fun and go slower
it probably makes the cookies taste better too

probably so

she smiles
we eat some more chocolate chips
we talk and eat cookie dough
we don't spill a thing